Me: The Search For Bliss...

My search for bliss begins... NOW!

It begins with me deciding where my heart truly lies and what will make me happy... But to be honest, this is turning out to be harder than I thought.

I have done a few jobs... I've been a music teacher, a retail sales worker at the mall and of a huge hardware store (working in many different departments), a grocery store employee and a fast food restaurant employee.

I've worn many different "hats." But I never really got the feeling that any of them truly "fit." (Although being a music teacher really came the closest...)

So now it's time to find my true career hat. Maybe if I try to make a list of all my favourite things (*singing* "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens"... etc. ~.^) I could narrow it down into something that would make me a happy career. 

So here goes...

• I love creating
• I love crafting (mostly knitting, bead-crafting & paper-crafting)
• I love reading
• I love voicing characters
• I love computer/video games
• I love to blog
• I love music
• I love to bake

So there you have it. The things I love to do.  Now, do they mesh together into something awe inspiring? Hmmm... I don't think so. Maybe not yet.  But at the very least it's a place to start.

Stay tuned... ^.^

Me: Good News & Bad News...

Knit Night at
 Good Earth Coffeehouse at Uptown

Last night was our monthly knit night... and to be perfectly honest... I was a little worried.

I had mentioned in a previous post that my wrist was giving me problems (carpal tunnel) to the point where I could barely move it without a surge of pain shooting through my arm from my pinky to my elbow. It's been like this for about a week... So I thought it was because I had been knitting like a mad woman for the passed month and a half. So for a week I didn't knit. It was excruciating not being able to knit because I wanted to but I couldn't...

But then knit night came and I picked up my needles... Much to my surprise, I noticed that when I started to knit, my wrist felt fine. Yay! BUT... Then I noticed that I had to concentrate on relaxing my grip on the needles. When my hands were relaxed, it felt fine. But when I tensed up, it got achy again... *pout*

So... Needless to say, I really want to concentrate on healing my arm. So I'm going to start by only knitting every other day for twenty to thirty minutes. If that get's to be too much I will space the days out even further.  But I can't not knit. I just started a design project...  At the very least I NEED to finish it! PLUS I really really really want to start on my cardigan soon... But it's not crucial. I just wanted to make this sweater.

So the good news is I can still knit... The bad news is I can't knit as much as I'd like to... *pout*

But all that being said we did have a great night knitting, chatting and sipping beverages!

Woot! Funtimes!

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Family: Wow! That's Some Imagination...

It may look like he's tinkering "under the hood of a car" or something but this little guy is actually using his toy wooden screws, nuts, screw driver and wrench to attach wooden pieces (from the Melissa & Doug Take-Along Tool Kit) in the handle/space on top of the stool. 

It bought tears to my eyes to see his imagination take off like this... For awhile there it was all about logic and "making sense" but it's nice to see him pretending and playing with his toys now. He even brought up his traffic cone from downstairs to make it look like he was doing construction! Lol! Yay!

But I think the most awesome (and frightening ^.^) thing about this picture was that just before he started doing this, he was looking through that "101 Things to Make & Do On the Weekend by Rob Beattie" book. He absolutely loves it! Of course, he did laugh out loud when he saw that there was a project for making a piggy bank... But he got really excited when he saw the scooter and go-cart... Eep!

:D

I LOVE IT!

Family & Food: Carrot Apple Morning Glory Muffins... YUM!

This morning at breakfast I said, out loud, that I felt like making muffins today. Kai looked at me and had the look on his face like that was the most beautiful words to ever come out of my mouth besides "Yes! You may have that cupcake!" :P He asked if he could help me. How could I possibly say no?

The two of us walked to the grocery store and I knew we needed some of the "heavier stuff" like flour and a 2LB bag of carrots so I brought my backpack. On a beautiful sunny day like today I really needed to get out of the house.

So we got the groceries, walked home, had lunch & while my darling little one was eating (s...o...   v...e...r...y...  s...l...o...w...l..y), I decided to start on prepping the ingredients. When Kai finally finished his lunch (after about an hour), he came over to help. He's a great help with this kind of stuff. I'm amazed how patient he CAN be. It's a bit of a shock sometimes. Especially considering how often he just "flies off the handle" when he gets frustrated with something (which is more often than not.) :P But he did very well and I'm very proud of him... And  the muffins? They are YUMMY!

^.^

The recipe came from an awesome cookbook by Julie Rosendaal called "Getting Started"
The book is cute, witty and the recipes are simple but classic. For instance, I had NO IDea how to make ribs in the oven until I read this book. Plus is has a several sections of information and advice at the beginning of the book. My favourite section is "Tips From Mom." I learned to make buttermilk  AND learned how to test if an egg has spoiled from reading this section.

It's my favourite recipe book full of great information and great recipes!

Design Project: Sparkly Mesh Cowl is S...L...O...W... Going...

My sparkly mesh cowl design is coming along but sadly I've had to cut back on my knitting a bit. I seem to have done something to my right wrist and it is causing some pain to do anything at all. So this already SLOW project is taking SO... MUCH... LONGER. But so far I'm happy with how it's looking.

I'm really getting the hang of knitting with beads. It's a lot easier that I thought it would be and I'm enjoying the little bit of sparkle it is adding to my design. I have a bit of a pattern emerging. we'll see if it holds up.

^.^

Me: I can smile again!

I went to the dentist yesterday to get a chip in my tooth "looked at." Normally I have to come early to take their "anti-freakout" medication :-P if anything was to be done about it! But since they were "just looking" there was no real cause for anxiety. And I wasn't sure if I could handle getting it fixed without the aid of a mild sedative (I had some frightening experiences at the dentist as a child). So I would need to make another appointment because I would need to take the medication some time before the appointment.

So they took some x-rays to see if there was anything else that needed work so it could all get done at once. After looking at the x-rays he said that everything looked fine. The chip was all that needed to be fixed...

*starting to feel anxious*

It was too late for me to take any medication so if I were to get the work done then it would be without the sedative.

*anxiety brewing*

So... after a few excruciating moments of thought, I decided to suck it up and just get it fixed right there without the meds. They asked a few times if I was sure and after I gave them a firm "yes", we got right to it. The thing is... I just didn't want to go through all of this again. The rescheduling, the waiting and the anxiety all on a different day. Honestly, I just wanted it done. And it seemed pretty silly for me to make another appointment to fix it when it was possible to get it done right there. So I chose to get it done!

Needless to say... They were very gentle, compassionate and caring. The hygienist even held my hand when I was getting frozen. She was such a sweetheart. And everyone in the office was cheering for me and saying how proud they were of me.

They are so fantastic! :-)

It was such a great feeling...

Design Project: Beaded Mesh Knit Cowl

I LOVE beading... I LOVE knitting...

Who knew I could put the two together?

I needed a project for my skein of Malabrigo sock yarn in the beautiful colourway: Zarzamora (grey, lilac, blue & green) but I wanted it to be something a bit different... Something special.

Now I JUST finished knitting up my Lacy Mesh Linen Cowl and I really liked how it turned out. I thought about doing something like that with this yarn but I wanted it to have a little bit more oomph to it. So then I thought about adding beads to it. 

I'd never added beads to my knitting before. I was intimidated by the thought because I thought that it would be incredibly complicated. But, after watching a couple of how-to videos, I realized it didn't look as difficult as I thought. So I decided to give it a shot!

So here's my yarn, my beads (bigger seed beads in silver) & my incredibly tiny crochet hook (1mm)... 

Wish me luck...

*clickety clickety click*

A-a-and a few hours later...
(err... I mean last night. It got so late I had to go to bed after knitting this row.)


Voila!

So here I go on another knitting adventure! Squee!

^.^

Family: Wow... A Nice Quiet Morning...*sigh*

Today was the kind of morning that I live for... It consisted of a GREAT "hassle & argument free" breakfast, cute & quiet conversation and (to top it all off...) quiet COLOURING TIME!

I love colouring with my boy. I get to sit and chat with him about fun things and in turn I get to colour. It's really calming in almost a therapeutic kind of way. We have LOADS of colouring books of all kinds. The flavours of the week are Cars and My Little Pony. I love that he adores both cartoons. He has his favourite Cars characters and My Little Pony characters and he also knows who my favourite character is (Fluttershy) and he whenever he sees a page , he saves it for me... (awww... *sniff*) 

While we colour he commentates on which colour he is going to use next and on what. He puts a lot of thought into it. Sometimes maybe a bit too much thought... Like whatever colour he chooses will alter the fate of humanity. But then he snaps out of it and yells out "I love ALL colours in the world!" then put his hand in the colours box, blindly chooses a pencil crayon and colours with reckless abandon. 

*sigh*

Me: Well... What Do I Do Now?

"Eggcarton Tulip" by K (in preschool class)
"Beaded Bottle Decoration" by K (at home)

My darling boy is four and a half years old and he'll be going into kindergarten in the fall. Where has the time gone? It just seems like yesterday he was just learning to eat solid food.

*sigh*

I'm now at a point where I realize that for the past five years I've been a mommy (and of course a wife...) and really that's all. I like to think that I put everything I have into my family and for that I have absolutely no regrets. But as September grows closer I am finding it difficult to find purpose beyond what my life was these past five years...

I could try to go back to what I knew before my son came along. But I'm not the same person I was back then. My thoughts, dreams & goals were that of a completely different person. Sooo... What do I do now?

I have to admit I am a bit scared. I'm afraid of not knowing where I'm headed. My thoughts occupy two different poles. I either have no direction at all OR I feel scattered and stretched in all different directions. But honestly?  I'm mostly afraid of disappointing people with the choices I make. I know. I know. I shouldn't care... but... well... I do. And that's just part of who I am... It really is.

The thing is... I've grown up surrounded by disappointment, a serious lack of encouragement and a sense of little-to-no self worth. I was bombarded by this on a daily basis while growing up and it got to the point where I had become numb to all of it. All I knew was that I've disappointed people and people have grossly disappointed me. And that's just the way the world works. So I learned to NOT have any kind of expectations (whether high or low) for myself or for others around me. That way I didn't have to worry about disappointing others and they, in turn, couldn't disappoint me. Basically I didn't care and I didn't have to answer to anyone... Not even to myself.

It wasn't until I met someone who actually wanted to know what my dreams were and really wanted to try and make them happen for me. Then I found that there were people who honestly thought I could make something of myself. That I could make a difference somehow. People who tried really hard to help me realize that I NEEDED to make a difference, if for no-one else, then for myself. Up until now I thought I was only affecting MY life. But now... There is one other (little) person's opinion that I have to consider. The opinion of my impressionable little boy.

How can I possibly teach and encourage my son "to work hard towards his goals", "to believe nothing is impossible" and "to follow his dreams" when I haven't been doing that for myself? The answer is simple... Either I can become a hypocrite and lie to him about how "this is exactly where I want to be" and that "all my life's goals are completely fulfilled" and to "do as I say, not as I do..." In which the end result is me wandering this earth miserable as sh!t on the inside and loaded with regret. OR... I suck it up and work like hell to find my happiness so that I can be the kind of person that my son could look up to and be proud of.

Hmmm... Tough choice, right?

I think not! Now my only road block is... Where the hell do I start!?!?

*facepalm*

Blargh! I'm right back where I started!

But... At least this time I know what direction to head in... *phew*

Knit Projects: Finishing It Up... Blocking!

So I've finally found the time and space to block my two spring/summer accessories (my Strathcona and my lacy mesh linen cowl that I have yet to give a name to :S). I've never blocked anything before so this is all new to me. I really hope I did it right.

I can't wait until they are dry so I can see them on! But... I WILL wait patiently...

*sigh*

*foot tapping*


*tapping grows louder & more impatient*


GAH!


*runs to grab a hair dryer*


Lol!

Design Project: Lacy Mesh Cowl

My latest design project... A lacy mesh cowl for spring and summer made from linen. This is my first time working with linen and I have to say that it does take quite a toll on your hands. First off... It gets to be pretty heavy. Even after the 2nd ball I started to feel the weight of it. And secondly... It's a bit of a stiff yarn that can get pretty rough to work with... Literally. Although, my hands became really soft and smooth from working it, the downfall was that it became hard to work with over long periods of knitting.  But on the plus side, I've heard that after blocking it softens right up. So that will be my next step. 

But for now it is my "something light and pretty" accessory for the warmer weather! Yay!

It started with this...
Punta Yarns: Rope-Light Hand-Painted Linen
I fell in love with the colours... light lavender, blues, greens, and yellows

I cast on a whack load of stitches... and chose an openwork mesh pattern.
Then I just kept knitting... until...

VOILA! A cowl emerged!

It was so much fun and easy too!