Hello all!
I know it's been way too long but life has taken some turns (mostly in the areas of career and hobby stuff) and now it's time to accelerate and lean into those turns! Woohoo! ;)
First of all, I'm still knitting, designing, creating art, and crafting up a storm. So expect to see creative stuff!
Second of all, I'm focusing on my voiceovers more these days and I may try to post some voice samples to my blog just to get my voice out there.
Thirdly, every now and then I may want to review a book (or several) that has inspired and moved me! Be it fiction (with mostly an emphasis on romance) or books on knitting patterns, arts & craft projects, and perhaps even inspiring books on teaching and education.
Which leads me to my new direction in life...
Starting in September... I begin my training to be an educational assistant. Making a difference in children's lives has always made me happy. So I'm going to give this everything I've got!
Well there you have it! A new beginning. I stand at the start of this new career path and to be honest... I am excited... And terrified! :D
*fingers crossed*
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Friday, June 7, 2013
Me: Well... What Do I Do Now?
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| "Eggcarton Tulip" by K (in preschool class) "Beaded Bottle Decoration" by K (at home) |
*sigh*
I'm now at a point where I realize that for the past five years I've been a mommy (and of course a wife...) and really that's all. I like to think that I put everything I have into my family and for that I have absolutely no regrets. But as September grows closer I am finding it difficult to find purpose beyond what my life was these past five years...
I could try to go back to what I knew before my son came along. But I'm not the same person I was back then. My thoughts, dreams & goals were that of a completely different person. Sooo... What do I do now?
I have to admit I am a bit scared. I'm afraid of not knowing where I'm headed. My thoughts occupy two different poles. I either have no direction at all OR I feel scattered and stretched in all different directions. But honestly? I'm mostly afraid of disappointing people with the choices I make. I know. I know. I shouldn't care... but... well... I do. And that's just part of who I am... It really is.
The thing is... I've grown up surrounded by disappointment, a serious lack of encouragement and a sense of little-to-no self worth. I was bombarded by this on a daily basis while growing up and it got to the point where I had become numb to all of it. All I knew was that I've disappointed people and people have grossly disappointed me. And that's just the way the world works. So I learned to NOT have any kind of expectations (whether high or low) for myself or for others around me. That way I didn't have to worry about disappointing others and they, in turn, couldn't disappoint me. Basically I didn't care and I didn't have to answer to anyone... Not even to myself.
It wasn't until I met someone who actually wanted to know what my dreams were and really wanted to try and make them happen for me. Then I found that there were people who honestly thought I could make something of myself. That I could make a difference somehow. People who tried really hard to help me realize that I NEEDED to make a difference, if for no-one else, then for myself. Up until now I thought I was only affecting MY life. But now... There is one other (little) person's opinion that I have to consider. The opinion of my impressionable little boy.
How can I possibly teach and encourage my son "to work hard towards his goals", "to believe nothing is impossible" and "to follow his dreams" when I haven't been doing that for myself? The answer is simple... Either I can become a hypocrite and lie to him about how "this is exactly where I want to be" and that "all my life's goals are completely fulfilled" and to "do as I say, not as I do..." In which the end result is me wandering this earth miserable as sh!t on the inside and loaded with regret. OR... I suck it up and work like hell to find my happiness so that I can be the kind of person that my son could look up to and be proud of.
Hmmm... Tough choice, right?
I think not! Now my only road block is... Where the hell do I start!?!?
*facepalm*
Blargh! I'm right back where I started!
But... At least this time I know what direction to head in... *phew*
I have to admit I am a bit scared. I'm afraid of not knowing where I'm headed. My thoughts occupy two different poles. I either have no direction at all OR I feel scattered and stretched in all different directions. But honestly? I'm mostly afraid of disappointing people with the choices I make. I know. I know. I shouldn't care... but... well... I do. And that's just part of who I am... It really is.
The thing is... I've grown up surrounded by disappointment, a serious lack of encouragement and a sense of little-to-no self worth. I was bombarded by this on a daily basis while growing up and it got to the point where I had become numb to all of it. All I knew was that I've disappointed people and people have grossly disappointed me. And that's just the way the world works. So I learned to NOT have any kind of expectations (whether high or low) for myself or for others around me. That way I didn't have to worry about disappointing others and they, in turn, couldn't disappoint me. Basically I didn't care and I didn't have to answer to anyone... Not even to myself.
It wasn't until I met someone who actually wanted to know what my dreams were and really wanted to try and make them happen for me. Then I found that there were people who honestly thought I could make something of myself. That I could make a difference somehow. People who tried really hard to help me realize that I NEEDED to make a difference, if for no-one else, then for myself. Up until now I thought I was only affecting MY life. But now... There is one other (little) person's opinion that I have to consider. The opinion of my impressionable little boy.
How can I possibly teach and encourage my son "to work hard towards his goals", "to believe nothing is impossible" and "to follow his dreams" when I haven't been doing that for myself? The answer is simple... Either I can become a hypocrite and lie to him about how "this is exactly where I want to be" and that "all my life's goals are completely fulfilled" and to "do as I say, not as I do..." In which the end result is me wandering this earth miserable as sh!t on the inside and loaded with regret. OR... I suck it up and work like hell to find my happiness so that I can be the kind of person that my son could look up to and be proud of.
Hmmm... Tough choice, right?
I think not! Now my only road block is... Where the hell do I start!?!?
*facepalm*
Blargh! I'm right back where I started!
But... At least this time I know what direction to head in... *phew*
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