What a truly Wonderful Day!!!

I just have to say... 

*sigh* What A Day... What a truly WONDERFUL day!!!

It's rare that a "day with my son" is as heart-warming as today was. Time "together" gets easily lost in the everyday grind of daily life. And I found myself feeling a little sad... But then my little boy surprised me with a beautiful moment.

While my darling boy and I were having lunch, the "Cups (When I'm Gone)" song came on the radio in the Tim Hortons. He looked at me and we both started singing it (we love that song). Then he stopped to take a bite of his bagel, looked at me so sweetly and said, "Mommy, I'm gonna miss you when I'm gone*..." to which i replied "Awww... Me too, Sweetie!" and we smiled at each other with the biggest goofiest grins we could make. 

It was such a precious moment. And it will always be OURS. I want more of those moments... So I think i'm gonna have to make sure i have more days like these.    

*(just to clarify... the "gone" bit is referring to when he sometimes goes to Nana & Grampa's for a weekend" :D )

WOOT It's 2014! Wait... WHAT?!?!

where did the time go? it's been 2014 for almost a month?!

oops! ack!

as you can guess i've been knitting up a storm since my last post sooo...

quick 2013 wrap up / catch up to 2014...  annnnnd... GO!

• i tried to design a neckwarmer - i wanted to try something knew so i cast on a bunch of stitches, took my favourite rib pattern and started knitting in-the-round... i thought it was looking pretty good until i realized (after i was done...doh!) that i was following a "knit-flat" pattern and knitting in-the-round without modifying it for circular knitting. i really love how it ended up but it was not what i was expecting. so i call it "My Beautiful Mistake" neckwarmer ;)

• i finished my Elegant Travels Fingerless Mitts - And I LOVE LOVE LOVE them! They're so pretty.

Elegant Travels Mitts

• i finished my first cable project... Rainbow Twist by Thao Nguyen - this is one of my favourite neckwarmers. the yarn i used was not as thick as the pattern wanted but it came out perfect for me. it's basically like wearing a cozy thick turtleneck. i had never tried cables before and i probably should have started with something a little less chunky, but i'm so happy with how it turned out!

Rainbow Twist

• something for the family gift exchange - i was told that the gift had to be under $10 and gender neutral. so i made this. no pattern just 2 chunky yarns held together and knit in a 1x1 rib. i can post it now because Christmas is over and hopefully it found a good home :)

Gift Exchange Neckwarmer

• *sigh* Christmas REALLY took it's toll on our family - the plan was to spend Christmas up-island. and it was a pretty exciting plan... except that our family was not well. you know how when you're sick... you stay home. we were away from home and it was just not as pleasant as it could have been. there was stress all around especially with my little boy. he was not himself at all. it will probably go down in history as the most memorable holiday we've ever had. but it's also totally blurred. i can't remember a whole lot... oh wait! there was a surprise wedding... but for the most part i can only remember what i was feeling... *sigh*

• i FINALLY knit up an Arbutus cowl - Jane Richmond's designs make the most wonderful knits! i have been itching to try and knit up the Arbutus since her book (ISLAND) came out last year but i was nervous about all the complexity of the pattern. what are"short rows?" erm..."wrap & turn?" so i put it aside for a while. then just after Christmas i realized i wasn't knitting anything *GASP* :D i saw on instagram that a couple of people i was following were having a "jane-along" (a knit-along using patterns designed by Jane Richmond) so i decided that it was the perfect time to start the Arbutus. it was an open group so i joined... and guess what! here it is!

Arbutus 

• crochet (or knit) mood blanket 2014 - i saw on instagram an idea that a crocheter had started and it boomed in popularity over instagram and facebook. it's quite simple. you can make one square a day for 365 days or one square a week for 52 weeks. it started out awesome! the first couple of weeks were so exciting... i seamed them together and saw that it was looking not too bad for a strip of knit squares :) then i started thinking about other projects and well... i'm kinda falling behind now... but i know i'll pick it up again... why? because i am tenacious when it comes to my knitting... some might even say i'm TOO tenacious! :D

Colours for my Knit Mood Blanket 2014

• i'm designing something new - bu-u-ut that is for another time! ~.^

there! all caught up! woot!

Family: Wow! That's Some Imagination...

It may look like he's tinkering "under the hood of a car" or something but this little guy is actually using his toy wooden screws, nuts, screw driver and wrench to attach wooden pieces (from the Melissa & Doug Take-Along Tool Kit) in the handle/space on top of the stool. 

It bought tears to my eyes to see his imagination take off like this... For awhile there it was all about logic and "making sense" but it's nice to see him pretending and playing with his toys now. He even brought up his traffic cone from downstairs to make it look like he was doing construction! Lol! Yay!

But I think the most awesome (and frightening ^.^) thing about this picture was that just before he started doing this, he was looking through that "101 Things to Make & Do On the Weekend by Rob Beattie" book. He absolutely loves it! Of course, he did laugh out loud when he saw that there was a project for making a piggy bank... But he got really excited when he saw the scooter and go-cart... Eep!

:D

I LOVE IT!

Family & Food: Carrot Apple Morning Glory Muffins... YUM!

This morning at breakfast I said, out loud, that I felt like making muffins today. Kai looked at me and had the look on his face like that was the most beautiful words to ever come out of my mouth besides "Yes! You may have that cupcake!" :P He asked if he could help me. How could I possibly say no?

The two of us walked to the grocery store and I knew we needed some of the "heavier stuff" like flour and a 2LB bag of carrots so I brought my backpack. On a beautiful sunny day like today I really needed to get out of the house.

So we got the groceries, walked home, had lunch & while my darling little one was eating (s...o...   v...e...r...y...  s...l...o...w...l..y), I decided to start on prepping the ingredients. When Kai finally finished his lunch (after about an hour), he came over to help. He's a great help with this kind of stuff. I'm amazed how patient he CAN be. It's a bit of a shock sometimes. Especially considering how often he just "flies off the handle" when he gets frustrated with something (which is more often than not.) :P But he did very well and I'm very proud of him... And  the muffins? They are YUMMY!

^.^

The recipe came from an awesome cookbook by Julie Rosendaal called "Getting Started"
The book is cute, witty and the recipes are simple but classic. For instance, I had NO IDea how to make ribs in the oven until I read this book. Plus is has a several sections of information and advice at the beginning of the book. My favourite section is "Tips From Mom." I learned to make buttermilk  AND learned how to test if an egg has spoiled from reading this section.

It's my favourite recipe book full of great information and great recipes!

Me: I can smile again!

I went to the dentist yesterday to get a chip in my tooth "looked at." Normally I have to come early to take their "anti-freakout" medication :-P if anything was to be done about it! But since they were "just looking" there was no real cause for anxiety. And I wasn't sure if I could handle getting it fixed without the aid of a mild sedative (I had some frightening experiences at the dentist as a child). So I would need to make another appointment because I would need to take the medication some time before the appointment.

So they took some x-rays to see if there was anything else that needed work so it could all get done at once. After looking at the x-rays he said that everything looked fine. The chip was all that needed to be fixed...

*starting to feel anxious*

It was too late for me to take any medication so if I were to get the work done then it would be without the sedative.

*anxiety brewing*

So... after a few excruciating moments of thought, I decided to suck it up and just get it fixed right there without the meds. They asked a few times if I was sure and after I gave them a firm "yes", we got right to it. The thing is... I just didn't want to go through all of this again. The rescheduling, the waiting and the anxiety all on a different day. Honestly, I just wanted it done. And it seemed pretty silly for me to make another appointment to fix it when it was possible to get it done right there. So I chose to get it done!

Needless to say... They were very gentle, compassionate and caring. The hygienist even held my hand when I was getting frozen. She was such a sweetheart. And everyone in the office was cheering for me and saying how proud they were of me.

They are so fantastic! :-)

It was such a great feeling...

Family: Wow... A Nice Quiet Morning...*sigh*

Today was the kind of morning that I live for... It consisted of a GREAT "hassle & argument free" breakfast, cute & quiet conversation and (to top it all off...) quiet COLOURING TIME!

I love colouring with my boy. I get to sit and chat with him about fun things and in turn I get to colour. It's really calming in almost a therapeutic kind of way. We have LOADS of colouring books of all kinds. The flavours of the week are Cars and My Little Pony. I love that he adores both cartoons. He has his favourite Cars characters and My Little Pony characters and he also knows who my favourite character is (Fluttershy) and he whenever he sees a page , he saves it for me... (awww... *sniff*) 

While we colour he commentates on which colour he is going to use next and on what. He puts a lot of thought into it. Sometimes maybe a bit too much thought... Like whatever colour he chooses will alter the fate of humanity. But then he snaps out of it and yells out "I love ALL colours in the world!" then put his hand in the colours box, blindly chooses a pencil crayon and colours with reckless abandon. 

*sigh*

Me: Well... What Do I Do Now?

"Eggcarton Tulip" by K (in preschool class)
"Beaded Bottle Decoration" by K (at home)

My darling boy is four and a half years old and he'll be going into kindergarten in the fall. Where has the time gone? It just seems like yesterday he was just learning to eat solid food.

*sigh*

I'm now at a point where I realize that for the past five years I've been a mommy (and of course a wife...) and really that's all. I like to think that I put everything I have into my family and for that I have absolutely no regrets. But as September grows closer I am finding it difficult to find purpose beyond what my life was these past five years...

I could try to go back to what I knew before my son came along. But I'm not the same person I was back then. My thoughts, dreams & goals were that of a completely different person. Sooo... What do I do now?

I have to admit I am a bit scared. I'm afraid of not knowing where I'm headed. My thoughts occupy two different poles. I either have no direction at all OR I feel scattered and stretched in all different directions. But honestly?  I'm mostly afraid of disappointing people with the choices I make. I know. I know. I shouldn't care... but... well... I do. And that's just part of who I am... It really is.

The thing is... I've grown up surrounded by disappointment, a serious lack of encouragement and a sense of little-to-no self worth. I was bombarded by this on a daily basis while growing up and it got to the point where I had become numb to all of it. All I knew was that I've disappointed people and people have grossly disappointed me. And that's just the way the world works. So I learned to NOT have any kind of expectations (whether high or low) for myself or for others around me. That way I didn't have to worry about disappointing others and they, in turn, couldn't disappoint me. Basically I didn't care and I didn't have to answer to anyone... Not even to myself.

It wasn't until I met someone who actually wanted to know what my dreams were and really wanted to try and make them happen for me. Then I found that there were people who honestly thought I could make something of myself. That I could make a difference somehow. People who tried really hard to help me realize that I NEEDED to make a difference, if for no-one else, then for myself. Up until now I thought I was only affecting MY life. But now... There is one other (little) person's opinion that I have to consider. The opinion of my impressionable little boy.

How can I possibly teach and encourage my son "to work hard towards his goals", "to believe nothing is impossible" and "to follow his dreams" when I haven't been doing that for myself? The answer is simple... Either I can become a hypocrite and lie to him about how "this is exactly where I want to be" and that "all my life's goals are completely fulfilled" and to "do as I say, not as I do..." In which the end result is me wandering this earth miserable as sh!t on the inside and loaded with regret. OR... I suck it up and work like hell to find my happiness so that I can be the kind of person that my son could look up to and be proud of.

Hmmm... Tough choice, right?

I think not! Now my only road block is... Where the hell do I start!?!?

*facepalm*

Blargh! I'm right back where I started!

But... At least this time I know what direction to head in... *phew*

Family: *singing* So Happy (Painting) Together...

To my recollection, I don't have any fond memories of painting when I was growing up. It was one of those things (one of those MANY things...) that I didn't think I was very good at so then I thought it was totally out of my reach. Until now... 

The thing is... I know nothing of technique. I know even less about the styles. I just know that it makes me happy. And I know that Kai enjoys it too! So as we wandered the aisles of the new Target store at Tillicum, we found a Dinosaur Train painting book that we apparently HAD to have!  Then on Thursday we all painted together! I think we did pretty good job don't you think? So forget technique... Forget style and just have fun with it! And in the immortal words of Bob Ross... "Happy Painting!"

Family: Where is the time going?!?

Seriously... Time? How could you steal my baby from me?

My baby boy is now about four and a half years old. When the heck did THAT happen? Don't worry... These feelings are nobody's fault but my own. Serve's me right for browsing old forgotten folders on my computer's desktop and finding fun little videos of my darling baby boy as an infant learning new things, as a toddler being goofy and as a kid just plain having fun. There his is... My little one... Helpless... and totally dependent on me.

Now it has come to my knowledge that he has a mind of his own. He has his own opinion of the world around him. And sadly, only ever seems to need his mommy when he needs to be driven places or to kiss his "owies" better. He's growing more and more IN-dependent and I'm having a really hard time letting him make his own decisions and seeing where they lead him...

Basically... I think I'm just having a hard time letting go... *sigh*

Plus... as if THAT wasn't enough of a kick in the gut... :D

Today was the Mother's Day pancake breakfast  at Kai's preschool. Where the teachers cooked chocolate chip pancakes for everyone. Then afterwards each child presented their mom with a gift. A ceramic tile with their handprint on it and a huge card with their hand cutouts representing flowers.

The poem on the card reads:

"I miss you when we're not together,

I'm growing up so fast.

See how big I've gotten,

Since you saw me last?

As I grow, I'll change a lot,

The years will fly right by.

You'll wonder how I grew so quick,

When and where and why?

So save this card in a safe place, 

And take it out each year.

THe memories will come back of me,

When I was small and dear."

Talk about Awwwwww.... :')

Me: Wrong Side Of the Bed...

Sometimes I just need to stop for just a moment... Today was definitely no exception.

I woke up exhausted and grumpy. Oddly enough it was from too much sleep. Who would have thought? So as the morning goes on I can feel myself getting more and more annoyed. My foul mood is just getting worse by the second. So as I'm angrily doing dishes I look on the window sill and what do I see? My calm jar. It's sitting there on the sill and the sun is shining through it. It's so beautiful. I pick it up, give it a shake and just watch... I watch the iridescent hearts and glitter swirl around and slowly fall to the bottom of the jar and it makes me stop and think for a moment. One moment. I take that moment to just take a breath... I take that moment to close my eyes and just let go...

And then suddenly I'm in my happy place...

And once I'm there... Everything is alright.

Knitting: Knit Wear Magazine! Woot! I got it!

Here it is! The latest issue of  knit wear (spring 2013) and I am so excited.
The family and I spent most of the day downtown. Our last stop was to the Beehive Wool Shop and there on the magazine rack I spotted the magazine. I looked through it and immediately thought that I needed to have it... But it is a bit pricey... So I wandered around the store and browsed around at all the pretty yarns. And all I could see was all the wonderful knitted projects from that magazine... all knitted in every colour imaginable. So I decided that I would just get the magazine. :)

Then we stopped at Michaels because some of the Lion Brand Sock Ease yarn was clearance-priced and I was searching for --> THIS colour green (called "Green Apple".) They had three balls left so I scooped them up! Woot!

On a completely different note... We stopped at the Curious Comics downtown and I couldn't believe my eyes. There in front of me were two My Little Pony comic books... Sooo we scooped them up too ~.^

Family: Sun!

The boy and I had an "ok" start this morning... Long story short we ended up settling our differences by having some quiet knitting time together... He was curious about knits & purls (or as he calls them: "Vs" & "bumps" ^.^) So we started him a pattern of 5 knits & 5 purls and he's recognizing what they look like as he's knitting them up. When he sees the Vs he knits... and when he sees the bumps he purls. It was so exciting to see the little lightbulb go off and his eyes just popped with the realization...  Then our delicate Mother/Son balance was restored :)

But then out came the sunshine! Woohoo! So we decided to get some fresh air. Today is the first time we've played outside this year. It was a bit chilly but we warmed things up by attempting a walk up the street but about half way up the street I remembered that a package was being delivered today and I REALLY wanted to be home to receive it. Sooo to make up for it we sprinted back just laughing and giggling all the way home... I never thought racing my son could be this fun! When we got home he was so wired that I had to quickly find the ball so he could start kicking it around. He's such an outside kid. That's his father in him... Sadly, not so much his mother (lousy allergies... and... and bugs.) :D lol!

Family: My Husband's First Knitting Project!

My husband is incredible. ^.^ He learned to knit just this past February. As soon as he got the hang of it he started finding it more and more gratifying. I kept all the little swatches he had made and each one got better. His tension became more relaxed and consistant. I was in awe of how quickly he was progressing. Then he was up for a challenge... A first project.

So I found this book in the library called Knits Men Want by Bruce Weinstein (that I have since ordered on amazon and am now waiting patiently for it's arrival ^.^...) and in this book my husband decided on his first project... The "Reversible Cable Scarf" and as you can see... He's doing a pretty awesome job so far.

The book is fun, witty and it has some great knitting patterns (my husband and I looked through it together and with the exception of one or two items, there wasn't anything in the book he wouldn't wear. woot!) But the really great thing about this book is that not only does it give advice on what men like (and don't like) in clothing or accessories, but it gives you the reasons why... And you know what? All the explanations made perfect sense... And THAT is what I absolutely love about this book.

Family: My Darling Boy Likes Knitting!

So as I've mentioned... For about a month now my son has taken an interest in knitting (Woot! ^.^) and he's consistently getting better. His tension is becoming much more relaxed and he can chat and knit at the same time. It's really cute.  So he knits little squares and rectangles and my husband or I will bind them off when he's done with them... So I collect these little swatches and maybe I'll do something with them later. But I had to keep this one for myself...

He asked me to bind it off and I asked him if he wanted me to make it into a cuff to wear on his wrist. He said "Sure!" Then I finished it and handed it to him and he said to me. "It's ok Mommy. You can keep it."

Awww... SWEET!

Family: Whirlwind Of A Week...

This week was a crazy whirlwind. One of my dearest & closest friends came to the island to spend 4 days visiting with her darling nine month old baby boy. Although it was something new to adjust to, I think the visit went wonderfully. The most adjustment had to come from my darling little boy.

Adjusting to a baby's schedule brought back some memories. Sleep times, wake times, nap times (*sigh* I wish sometimes...), feedings and diaper changes (diapers... eep!) But we made through the visit. And I find myself missing what she has with her baby... But I also appreciate and cherish all the the things that my boy can do now... And what SHE has to look forward to.

It was a very new experience for him to have to share toys at home because we rarely have play-dates at our house. Our place is little so, when we are invited, we usually go out to a park or go to another friend's house. But another new experience for him was that he was dealing with a baby. A baby that got everyone's attention in the house. Mine included...

After they left I tried to reconnect with my son by doing all the things we enjoy doing as mother and son. Like having a relaxing lunch at Tim Hortons and sitting quietly together and knitting.

But most of all I love that my wonderful friend came to visit me. We got to sit and get to know each other again but this time as mommies. We knitted and I got her to knit in the round. Something she has never done and I showed her how to do an openwork lacy stitch. Then she bound it off and has a cute little cowl so she will always remember our little visit. We rekindled old memories and discovered some new things about each other. All in all it was one of the most fantastic visits I've had in a very long time.

Thank you M for coming to see me,
Love & hugs always...

Family: A Proud Moment!

So here are the first knits my husband and son have done... They are on to new balls of yarn now but I just wanted to keep these little treasures for myself.

My little boy's knitted rectangle is the one on the left and my hubby's is on the right.

I'm so proud of them ^.^